My feelings in the last year, I think for the most part have been nonexistent/numb to keep status quo or there has been sadness as I process things that had happened or that were going on inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, I have had moments of joy and when they happen I try to take note of them.
But through this all I still struggled with myself and the direction that God has called me to. I struggled with myself because I love my career in social work and the community I work in. And I love visual storytelling and photography especially with elderly. There was this tension between the two because I felt that if I leave social work I am leaving a career that I have built and love for over 10 years. And I was letting myself and others around me down by leaving social work. But I knew that if I did not see where my business might go that I was going to regret that and I could not live with that.
Recently I have been faced with one of the hardest things that I have had to go through in my adult life. While I am still in the midst of it all, there are a few things I have learned in last couple weeks.
It is in this waiting place that we often get impatient and frustrated with God and life. And we can ruin what God make have in store for us.
There are times that we think of something we want. And we think of ways to make this thing we want happen. So often we don’t talk with our Creator about it. We rely on our strength to make it happen. Recently there was something in my life, that I have wanted for a while…
But once I sat down against the wall on the floor in the back of the room, the tears started and did not stop. As I sat there in my Father’s presence, I could not figure out why I was crying.
And if I am honest I have been the person who has had these thoughts at one time or another in my life time. It is so easy to judge others when we know little to nothing about the other person. We don’t know their story or what has brought them to where they are today.
Recently God has shown me that He listens to everything I say or think even the smallest things. A week before Valentine’s Day this year, I wrote down in my planner a desire that I had “God, I want flowers for Valentine’s Day and I didn’t care where they came from.” I did not tell…
You knew the shame and guilt I would struggle with and you still chose to create me!
You knew my failures in my life and you still chose to create me!