My feelings in the last year, I think for the most part have been nonexistent/numb to keep status quo or there has been sadness as I process things that had happened or that were going on inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, I have had moments of joy and when they happen I try to take note of them.
That Wednesday morning at work, I was feeling anxious to the point it was the closest thing I ever felt to anxiety attack. My muscles in my back tensed up and the tension lasted for days.
These questions kept coming up in my mind.
But through this all I still struggled with myself and the direction that God has called me to. I struggled with myself because I love my career in social work and the community I work in. And I love visual storytelling and photography especially with elderly. There was this tension between the two because I felt that if I leave social work I am leaving a career that I have built and love for over 10 years. And I was letting myself and others around me down by leaving social work. But I knew that if I did not see where my business might go that I was going to regret that and I could not live with that.
Recently I have been faced with one of the hardest things that I have had to go through in my adult life. While I am still in the midst of it all, there are a few things I have learned in last couple weeks.
It is in this waiting place that we often get impatient and frustrated with God and life. And we can ruin what God make have in store for us.
I didn’t know exactly what I was getting into when I started working in social services. You see I kinda stumbled on this field. When I was in college, I started out as a business management major. I loved business and still do to this day but it didn’t feel like the right fit. I met with a career advisor at my college and I was asked “Would you rather work with people or numbers?”
4. “I’m tired.”
My job was to empower them through these moments, show them hope in the hopeless situations and provide resources for them to move forward in life.
While I was doing helping others dream for themselves, inside over time I had quit dreaming. I had allowed life to stifle my creativity. I had allowed my own exhaustion to take over when I had down time.